Title I—Neckbraces

Subtitle A—Wearing of Certain Medical Devices During Inquiries into Alcohol-Related Accidents; Mitigation of Adverse Evidence

Subtitle B—Estate Tax Credit for Persons Who Have Ever Exited A Submerged Vehicle

Title II—Retroactive Reinstatement of Expired Drivers Licences

Title III—Air Pockets

Subtitle A—Running Out of Air Ruled A Drowning in All Cases inside Coastal Areas

Subtitle B—Scuba Diving Equipment Option

Subtitle C—Individual Responsibility to Exit Submerged Automobiles

Title IV—Establishing Two O'Clock A.M. Alibis Permitted in Drowning Cases

Title V—Automatic Suspension of Mandatory Jail Sentences for Leaving Scene of Accident

Title VI—Certain State Drunk Driving Laws Revoked

Subtitle A—Manslaughter Investigations, Arrests, or Convictions in FY 1969 Involving Elected Officials While on or near Narrow Bridges Declared Unconstitutional

Subtitle B— Edward M. Kennedy [Edrunkard Manslaughter al-Qennedy] Postmortem Presidential Pardon

Title VII—July 26 Proclaimed “Health Choices Day”

Title VIII—Autopsies of Victims of [Demøfascist] Members of Congress Prohibited

Title IX—Mandatory Swimming Lessons

Subtitle A—Members of Congress Exempted

Subtitle B—Driving While Intoxicated Charges Dropped If Automobile Plunges into Body of Water

Subtitle C—Paid Proxy Spanish-Class Test Takers Excluded from Mandate

Subtitle D—Wearing of Pants Option

Title X—Hybrid Waterproof Automobiles

Subtitle A—Sea-Green Jobs and Technologies

Subtitle B—Submobile Research Grants

Subtitle C—Individual Option to Report Accidents Involving Non-Waterproof Automobiles Before Conferring with Legal Counsel; 10-Hour Time Limit

Title XI—Treason

Subtitle A—Private Pacts with Former Soviet Union Retroactively Authorized

Subtitle B—Estate Tax Credit for Attempting to Make Private Pacts with Former Soviet Union

Subtitle C—Alliance with Former Soviet Union Retroactively in Effect from Noon, January 20, 1981, to Noon, January 20, 1989

Subtitle D—Special Agreement Between United States and Russian Federation to Permanently Expunge Records of Certain Private Communications

Subtitle E—Inscription on Operation Iraqi Freedom Memorial and Urinal: “This was made up in Texas, announced in January (2003) to the Republican leadership that war was going to take place and was going to be good politically. This whole thing was a fraud.”

Title XII—Estate Tax Reduction for Residents of Hell