Miserably failing to pack along any mirrors, Dhimm al-Qrats once again saddle up that one-trick jackass of theirs named Blameothers. "Giddy-ap....I said, Giddy-aaaap!" (Blogs for Bush)


t this point in the picture our hero rides off into the sunset. After having righted all wrongs, his job here is done. Meanwhile, back in the theater, the credits start to roll.

As the cast list comes up we get to see who played all those villains whose evildoings our hero handily thwarted. Don't worry about trying to remember their names. They won't be appearing in any more pictures.

The unteachable ignorance of the red states.
By Jane Smiley
Updated Thursday, Nov. 4, 2004, at 3:24 PM PT

Didn't know it was two actors who portrayed the hero. Good ol' Red States and his stuntdouble U.I. I heard the former just landed the title role in Mel Gibson's next film Lincoln's Land.

The day after the election, Slate's political writers tackled the question of why the Democratic Party—which has now lost five of the past seven presidential elections and solidified its minority status in Congress—keeps losing elections.

Almost forgot how much wrong rightin' our hero did.

Chris Suellentrop says that John [Q]erry was too nuanced and technocratic,

Even too Technicolored® at one point.

...while George W. Bush offered a vision of expanding freedom around the world.

As all heroes are wont to do.

William Saletan argues that Democratic candidates won't win until they again cast their policies the way Bill BiIsIs [Q]linton did, in terms of values and moral responsibility.

(And, no, it wasn't possible for Mr. Saletan to keep a straight face when he wrote that.)

Timothy Noah contends that none of the familiar advice to the party—move right, move left, or sit tight—seems likely to help.

Several tried to bob and weave and fake out our hero, but he picked them all off rather easily. A hero isn't anything if he isn't a great shot.

Slate asked a number of wise liberals

(Straight faces not kept here, either.)

...to take up the question of why Americans won't vote for the Democrats.

Being, after all, the unteachable ignoramuses that they are. (The latter, not the former.)

Click here to read previous entries.

I say forget introspection. It's time to be honest about our antagonists.

Forget honest reflection, too. But that should be easy enough with such an obviously total lack of mirrors at 1 Microsoft Way, Redmond, WA, 98052.

My predecessors in this conversation are thoughtful men, and I honor their ideas, but let's try something else.

By all means. Don't try anything like being thoughtful or considering any honorable ideas. When has that ever gotten anyone anywhere?

I grew up in Missouri and most of my family voted for Bush, so I am going to be the one to say it: The election results reflect the decision of the right wing to cultivate and exploit ignorance in the citizenry.

This was the part of the movie where the lead villain tried to get our hero lynched after getting him convicted in a vigilante court on trumped up charges. The villain's most memorable line: "So I put it to you, my fellow townsmen, that I have it on good authority that this ignorant scoundrel stole our horses and rustled our cattle. I say string 'em up now!" Fortunately, our hero managed to escape the rickety shed that the idiot mob was holding him in while they tried to scrounge up some rope. (Oh—by the way, that villain was the town's lawyer, in case you couldn't tell.)

I suppose the good news is that 55 million Americans have evaded the ignorance-inducing machine. But 58 million have not. (Well, almost 58 million—my relatives are not ignorant, they are just greedy and full of classic Republican feelings of superiority.)

Insults might work, too. So you probably should consider using some if you get the chance.

Ignorance and bloodlust have a long tradition in the United States,

Unlike in Europe, which has been forever flowing with kindness and enlightenment. Just ask the ten million Jews, homeless gypsies, homosexuals, and other minorities who were living there, oh, say 60 or 70 years ago. Wait—that's right, you can't. Without exception, all of them stopped living as of 59 years ago. Well...unlike in Africa, then. It surely hasn't seen any ignorance or bloodlust at all in the last ten years, so we can probably use the countries there for comparison purposes.

...especially in the red states. There used to be a kind of hand-to-hand fight on the frontier called a "knock-down-drag-out," where any kind of gouging, biting, or maiming was considered fair.

Of course, this refers to the trip our hero was making inside a stagecoach when it suddenly got hijacked by savage, cut-throating Apaches masquerading as passengers. They knocked out the driver and killed the cowboy riding shotgun before ramming the entire coach—horses and all—headlong into Fort Smith's main gate. Whew. Our hero barely made it out of this fix in one piece....No, I forgot. He didn't. Luckily, it was just one of those dream sequences that ended with him waking up alone in the middle of the night next to a campfire, drenched in sweat.

The ancestors of today's red-state voters used to stand around cheering and betting on these fights.

You might want to consider talking about dead people, too. I hear it's pert near impossible for any of them to defend themselves. So you probably have nothing to worry about if you completely sully their reputations.

When the forces of red and blue encountered one another head-on for the first time in Kansas Territory in 1856, the red forces from Missouri, who had been coveting Indian land across the Missouri River since 1820, entered Kansas and stole the territorial election.

Must've been Dinkorats. The Republican Party didn't really come into existence until after those redders entered Kansas.

The red news media of the day made a practice of inflammatory lying—declaring that the blue folks had shot and killed red folks whom everyone knew were walking around.

Perhaps those inflammatory liars were Dan Rather's ancestors. (Being that they're all dead, too, it's all right to say that they were.)

The worst civilian massacre in American history took place

...on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, starting around 8:30 a.m., and culminating with the death of over 3,000 of our own and other nations' citizens within the span of two hours. Who could ever forget that?

...in Lawrence, Kan., in 1862—Quantrill's raid.

Well, I suppose Jane Smiley could.

The red forces, known then as the slave-power, pulled 265 unarmed men from their beds on a Sunday morning and slaughtered them in front of their wives and children.

To put this horror in modern terms: Imagine an airplane full of unsuspecting passengers, when all of a sudden a crazed redder-like person jumps up, takes out a box cutter and slashes the throat of the nearest stewardess, killing her within minutes as shocked passengers and their children look on. Next they notice their aircraft descending lower and lower until trees, water, and buildings are only a few hundred feet below. A man tries to cover his little girl's eyes. A woman screams "Oh my God! Oh my God!" over and over. Then they all crash headlong into one of those buildings. Just imagine. You might even forget that you aren't in Kansas anymore.

The error that progressives [liberals] have consistently committed over the years is to underestimate the vitality of ignorance in America.

I thought the stunt double did a good job in those scenes of our hero being thrown through a saloon window or getting run over by stampeding cattle sheep. Each was vital to the progression of the plot. So the director's estimation of their importance was spot on, in my view.

Listen to what the red state citizens say about themselves,

"We're Americans."

...the songs they write,

"This Land Is Your Land".

...and the sermons they flock to.

"We Will Not Forget."

They know who they are—they are full of original sin and they have a taste for violence.

Like Salem witch-hunters, the Quakers' persecutors, or Detroit, Chicago, and LA rioters.

The blue state citizens make the Rousseauvian mistake of thinking humans are essentially good, and so they never realize when they are about to be slugged from behind.

The consequence of this is a suicidal eagerness to make sure everyone stays equally well unarmed; except, of course, for the mugger slugging them in the street and taking their money after realizing just how easy it would be to prey on the defenseless citizens sheep there. Blue 9-1-1 call: "Send an ambulance—someone attacked me and now I'm bleeding to death." Red 9-1-1 call: "Send an ambulance—someone tried to attack me and now he's bleeding to death."

Here is how ignorance works:

Make the head of your political party someone with the winning-streak record of a Terry McAuliffe, then follow all his election advice.

First, they put the fear of God into you—

Which is usually what would happen to normal people had they awoken on a Wednesday morning in early November and seen the results of having followed any of Terry McAuliffe's election advice.

...if you don't believe in the literal word of the Bible, you will burn in hell.

As a political party, this would happen to you anyway if you follow any of Terry McAuliffe's election advice.

Of course, the literal word of the Bible is tremendously contradictory,

Whereas Loony Leftist Logic is totally rational and utterly consistent in every conceivable respect.

...and so you must abdicate all critical thinking,

If you're a liberal you've already abdicated it. So you should have a tremendous head start at completely grasping L³.

...and accept a simple but logical system of belief that is dangerous to question.

As opposed to all those people in the Deadduckorat Party questioning the simple but logical system of belief that the right to choose outweighs the right of absolutely innocent, voiceless, and choiceless babies to live.

A corollary to this point is that they make sure you understand that Satan resides in the toils and snares of complex thought and so it is best not try it.

Well, Satan needn't worry about having to change the address of his quadrennial summer home then. Should be a relief to the landlords at 430 S. Capitol St. SE, Washington, DC 20003, that he won't be giving up that timeshare anytime soon.

Next, they tell you that you are the best of a bad lot (humans, that is)

Could be worse. You could've wrote "(the French, that is)."

...and that as bad as you are, if you stick with them, you are among the chosen.

Which is exactly the election advice McAuliffe & Co. gave the Desperat Party after their stunning successes in 2002.

This is flattering and reassuring,

As McAuliffe & Co. hoped it would be.

...and also encourages you to imagine the terrible fates of those you envy and resent.

Why, by Christmas Winterfest™, we'll all be singing Kwanzaa carols. E.g., "Repugs roasting on an open fire/ Just Frist sitting in the Senate's back rows." Don't forget to decorate the artificial tree with condoms.

American politicians ALWAYS operate by a similar sort of flattery, and so Americans are never induced to question themselves.

Those Americans include Time's magazine editors who shamelessly offer a president oral sex as way of thanking him for helping keep abortion infanticidal birth-control legal. Just think what they would've offered him had he helped make HillaryCare legal!

That's what happened to Jimmy Carter—he asked Americans to take responsibility for their profligate ways,

So much so he wanted to not only make everyone miserable but to also index their misery.

...and promptly lost to Ronald Reagan, who told them once again that they could do anything they wanted.

Yeah, I remember how President Reagan even included that in his inaugural address: "And so my fellow Americans, remember this always. If it feels good, do it." Or maybe it was something like "Our Government has no power except that granted it by the people. It is time to check and reverse the growth of government which shows signs of having grown beyond the consent of the governed." The Hedonist!

The history of the last four years shows that red state types,

Enough with the geographism, you geographist geographobe!

...above all, do not want to be told what to do—they prefer to be ignorant.

No, don't even try to make sense of that. You'll only hurt yourself. In nonloseral terms, it roughly translates into: If you let government (run totally by libs, of course) totally control how you live, work, play, marry, eat, etc., etc., then you'll be totally smart!

As a result, they are virtually unteachable.

They're offering to train you to follow every loony leftist liberal command they give and you have the gall to refuse? How ignorant!

Third, and most important, when life grows difficult or fearsome, they (politicians, preachers, pundits) encourage you to cling to your ignorance with even more fervor.

Such as when Micky Mooron encourages people to pay real money to see his muckadoomentary.

But by this time you don't need much encouragement—

Because Mooron's now giving it away free on DVD.

...you've put all your eggs into the ignorance basket,

Coincidentally, that's the very subtitle of Mooron's cinematic scramble dog.

...and really, some kind of miraculous fruition (preferably accompanied by the torment of your enemies, and the ignorant always have plenty of enemies) is your only hope.

"Miraculous fruition" being—in the Dhimmicrat Party's case—"winning an election."

If you are sufficiently ignorant, you won't even know how dangerous your policies are until they have destroyed you, and then you can always blame others.

That's the jackass Dhimmis are riding now. No need to fear. The credits are just about over. We've now reached the part about how "no animals were harmed in the making of this picture."

The reason the Democrats have lost five of the last seven presidential elections is simple:

Out-of-touch, extremist ideas? Phony baloney candidates? Honesty and integrity treated like dirty words?

A generation ago, the big capitalists, who have no morals, as we know,

Oh, well. At least the suspense of wondering whether Halliburton and other subsidiaries of Evilco Corp., Inc.® were ever going to get a ride on that mule, is finally over.

...decided to make use of the religious right in their class war against the middle class and against the regulations that were protecting those whom they considered to be their rightful prey—workers and consumers.

Let's not parse that and say we did. Suffice it to mean (I think) that eeeevil corporations control everything and everybody everywhere for only very eeeevil purposes. We'll let it go at that. Maybe throw in how there's a constitutional separation of church and Whoreywood, too, for good measure.

The architects of this strategy

Scoot over Evilco Corp. You forgot to make room for the Joooooooos!

...knew perfectly well that they were exploiting, among other unsavory qualities, a long American habit of virulent racism,

In case you don't have a copy of the latest edition of LibSpeak:

Racist n. A person who disagrees with a liberal. adj. Of, relating to, or being in any disagreement with a liberal. Racism n. 1. The belief that one or more liberals are or could be wrong about anything. 2. Miserably failing to recognize the outright superiority of liberals or liberalism to everyone or everything else, respectively.

...but they did it anyway, and we see the outcome now—Cheney is the capitalist arm and Bush is the religious arm.

Oh, now I get it! Let's just get rid of money and god(s) and there will be no more ignorance or red states or jooooos or anything else that might bother us. It was so blindingly obvious that I almost missed it.

They know no boundaries or rules.

Unlike liberals who always adhere to them—except when they might put any crimp on the Left's sole quest for ultimate and absolute power.

They are predatory and resentful, amoral, avaricious, and arrogant.

Liberals n. (See above sentence.)

Lots of Americans like and admire them because

Lots of Americans don't live in a fantasy Micky MooronLand inhabited by strange, incoherent creatures who splash patchouli oil all over themselves and equate anything and anyone they don't like to Hitler.

...lots of Americans, even those who don't share those same qualities, don't know which end is up.

So even those who aren't as ignorant are just as ignorant. —Huh?

Can the Democrats appeal to such voters?

You want the long answer, or the short one? No matter. They both pretty much boil down to "No way on earth as long as the sky's blue and water wants to flow downhill"—or simply "No."

Do they want to?

Obviously, the same answers.

The Republicans have sold their souls for power.

While this is the voice of experience talking, it is nonetheless inapposite when speaking of Republicans. It is Dhimmicrat leaders who've not only sold their souls—and even sold out a few things that actually have real value, including honesty, trust, respect, loyalty, and love of country—all for their one and only love lust (i.e., Power), but tried to divide and conquer everyone else in this country to conclude that bargain. Such leaders have been so busy figuring out ways to win at any price—blurring together all means and ends—that they haven't bothered to even look once at the sidelines and see who has a heavily invested stake in the successful outcome of their venture and is thus cheering them on. The dividends in those futures are being reaped mainly by the one person who sees the most benefit in murdering your "red state types." Dhimmis close their eyes and don't want to notice how their lies and attacks against our government's executive branch are helping to expand his profit margin.

Must everyone?

No. Just Deadenderats.

Progressives [Liberals] have only one course of action now: React quickly to every outrage—red state types love to cheat and intimidate, so we have to assume the worst and call them on it every time.

Nope. No dividing here. Let's give a big Usama Ululation™ and move on.

We have to give them more to think about than they can handle—to always appeal to reason and common sense,

Why not? You probably believe this would work simply because the Left has never tried it before. But it wouldn't work anyway because the Left is woefully incapable of either reason or common sense. Another UU and moveon.

...and the law, even when they can't understand it and don't respond.

As if your actions themselves haven't repeated it enough times so anyone at or above the IQ of an amoeba couldn't possibly fail to grasp your exact meaning: "Rules are meant to be broken, and the law doesn't apply to everyone"; everyone, in this instance, being Dementedrats. UU #3 and again moveon...

They cannot be allowed to keep any secrets.

Right. If we have a plan for attacking Fallujah after Election Day we should make sure the entire world gets to know about it, even down to the times and on which streets our troops will be advancing into the city. Now a great big UU—Let 'em hear you in the parking lot! Movingon...

Tens of millions of people didn't vote—they are watching, too,

That's about all they're doing politically because, for whatever reason excuse, they purposefully don't want to get involved.

...and have to be shown that we are ready and willing to fight,

Not for them—just for your Dyinggaspic Party. But you don't have to show them that. It's clear by their level of involvement they already know.

...and that the battle is worth fighting.

No it isn't. Not the selfish kind you're proposing they fight merely on behalf of your party's sole aim of acquiring complete and utter power.

And in addition, we have to remember that threats to democracy from the right always collapse.

And with that, ladies and gentlemen, we reach the end of the motion picture and its credits: Another tedious Leftist acknowledgment to Herr Bush=Hitler and his fascist Nazi regime=administration.

Whatever their short-term appeal, they are borne of hubris and hatred, and will destroy their purveyors in the end.


Jane Smiley is the author of many novels and essays. She lives in California.

Illustration by Robert Neubecker.

Been there. Done that. Now for the title of this picture and we're finished: The Great and Permanent Unraveling of the Demagogic Party ©2004.

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