Starting with Joe Look!no-heart.


henever your top campaign official tries to sabotage our country's war efforts, it's time to cut his ties to your campaign:

[W]hen the Iraqi interim prime minister, Ayad Allawi, addressed Congress late last month, the [Q]erry campaign wasted not a moment before attacking him. "The last thing you want to be seen as is a puppet of the United States," said war-room maven and new [Q]erry spokesman Joe Lockhart [Lockjaw]. Actually, the last thing you want to be seen as is a clueless jerk who thinks the exigencies of the campaign war room more important than the respect owed an ally in a real war.

Noemie Emery, "The Myth of the War Room," Weekly Standard, Oct. 11, 2004, 33 (emphases added).

The only comfort the leader of our ally Iraq can take from this statement is that the person on whose behalf it was made will never be in any position to pull even one string—real or imagined—during this World War since the "four more years" he has in store for himself are limited to but one of a hundred seats in the United States Senate.

With mavens like that speaking for your campaign, Hanoi John, your 1972 election loss will soon be seen as only your second-worst political defeat. Of course the bright side is that, starting next month, you can use the same line again for assessing your worst defeat: "I deserved it. I asked for it."

On second thought, I think it's a great idea that you're keeping Bo Toxhart on as head communicator of your campaign. So never mind.


Update: Nonetheless, you might want to look into getting outfitted with a pair of those new Neuticles which are just now hitting the shelves. Would come in handy the next time you have to stand up to the French a French waiter.

	1:33 PM

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