Artificial tan or artificial wan?


ne of the physical ailments al-Qerry suffers from is prostate cancer. A year and a half ago surgeons removed his prostate gland and said "it appeared that the cancer had not spread to surrounding lymph nodes." A month later he underwent outpatient surgery to remove a wart on his left eyelid (also known as seborrheic keratosis—similar to his hairmate's lip wart).

Six months ago Hanoi John went under the knife again. This time to re-repair a tendon tear in his right shoulder which he's been suffering from since falling off a bicycle a decade ago. He also suffers from allergies that can leave his voice sounding raspy, and claims there's a piece of shrapnel still in his thigh (although CBS is still waiting for the x-rays that show it's in there now, even after 30+ years).

The senator (junior grade) has been telling everyone he's healthy. He's shown blowing with the wind on his windsail, almost as proficiently as he does on the campaign trail. Journalists report his downward spirals on the ski slopes as well as in the polls. So it's plausible that he isn't suffering from anything that might be considered so debilitating he couldn't run for president anymore.

Should he do a flip-flop on his "I'm healthy" assertions also, it's equally plausible that he could claim he's been told by his doctors that he's too ill to continue running. "This," he could say, "is the real reason my face looked so orange yellow. I'm just too sick." Add to this a rather breaking (pun intended) admission that his campaign was the source of the dnCBS forged memos, and the analog-stream media would have more than enough reason to unquestionably accept JFQ's decision to bow out "for the good of my party and our democratic process" (instead of "I've dropped too low in the polls and it doesn't look like I'll be able to recover in time"). Then he can go back to his late-evening noon-time naps.

Winning power for themselves is all that matters to Democrazies. Not winning the world war, insuring our children, or protecting social security. As they clearly demonstrated in Florida in 2000, Minnesota in 2002, and New Jersey in both 2002 and this year, their willingness to do anything and everything to get and keep power is seared—seared—in them. As a cornered, wounded animal would, they feel their desperate times now call for desperate measures.

Far from any tinfoilery, preparing for the contingency of Deadduckocrats trying to pull a bait-n-switch on we the people this month is, I believe, in order.

It doesn't matter whose names appear on the various states' presidential ballots next November. Voters are choosing electors who are committed to supporting the parties' respective nominees (or, in the case of death or resignation, their replacement nominees). Back in 1972, George McGovern's running mate Sen. Thomas Eagleton resigned after the Dhimmicrat convention and was immediately replaced by Sargent Shriver. Sixty year earlier, President Taft's running mate James S. Sherman died days before the election and was replaced by Nicholas M. Butler. Each replacement was made by the party itself in a smoke-filled room. Nothing precludes McAwful & Co. from doing the same thing today in their Kool-Aid® filled one.

But who to replace al-Qerry with? I wonder who? Hmm, could it be, oh, I don't know...SATAN!? Well, if Satan was named after a guy who climbed Mount Everest five years after Satan was born, or likes channeling Eleanor Roosevelt in his spare time, then he'd do in a pitch...er, pinch—pinch. But since there's only one person who matches that description (Satan's too much of a moderate anyway), Devilrats are stuck with the one their rank-and-file wanted to begin with (more than Qerry, Qerrwarts, Lieberman, and Gephardt combined): Hilldabeastly Rotten al-Qlinton.

Of course Her Nibs said last year that she doesn't have "any intentions or plans of running" (you can listen to a clip of her saying it here):

Barbara Walters (June 2003): "2004—the presidency. Suppose..."

Hideously Rancid al-Qlinton: "[maniacal laughter]"

Walters: "Okay, you can do the question, but suppose these Democrats—maybe the same ones who said you should run for the Senate—say you must, for the sake of the Party, run in 2004. Would you categorically say no?"

Qlinton: "I would tell them to take a deep breath, probably two aspirins, and get a good night's sleep. [maniacal chuckle]" ["Then wake up and receive my answer. Mwha haha hah"]

Walters: "Would you say no?"

Qlinton: "Absolutely, I'd say no." [i.e., "If they said I 'must' instead of asking me—with the proper level of groveling and supplication, of course."]

Walters: "Okay, no to 2004."

Qlinton: "[more maniacal laughter...]" [i.e., "It's Hillarious that you believe that"]

Walters: "2008."

Qlinton: "[...more maniacal laughter, continued]" ["Very Hillarious"]

Walters: "I know you're not going to tell me whether or not you'll throw your hat in the ring."

Qlinton: [unintelligible maniacalism]

Walters: "But do you think that if you did, is this country ready to accept you, do you think, as a national candidate?"

Qlinton: "I don't have any intentions or plans of running [in 2008]. Um, I'm flattered that the question gets asked..."

Walters: "Every day!"

Qlinton: "...and I hope that it will lead to a woman running for president." [Hilldabeast is "a womyn," isn't she?]

Now what does the meaning of the word "intentions" intend? (This from the same person who once answered the question "did you do it?" not with "yes" or "no," but with "there's no evidence of that—there will not be any evidence of that. [maniacal snicker]") For sake of argument, let's imagine her inevident "intentions or plans" apply to 2004 as well as 2008. As far as not having any of then running for Presidential Nominee of the Party (an assumed precursor to running for president), that, strictly speaking, would not be a lie if she has every intention and plan of "replacing" whoever becomes the party's nominee. However, there's no need to parse her words too much since she can always use the 'ol standby "I can't recall" or point out she never took any official oath that she would never run.

This very contingency was also pondered months before Desperatic delegates convened at their FleetingCenter in Boston. The unhealthiness angle was examined then too. It's been brought up again and again since that time. Like a bad Canadian penny, the DQDH (Dump Qerry Draft Hilldabeast) series keeps creeping into political discussions.

After the Republican convention in New York last month and Qerry's midnight questioning of its attendees' patriotism, the Qlintonistas staged a unilateral, preemptive invasion of the troubled Qerry qampaign:

Among the better-known former [Q]linton aides who are expected to play an increasingly prominent role are James [Q]arville, [Mike McQurry,] Paul Begala and Stanley Greenberg....

The installation of former [Q]linton lieutenants...[include] Joe Lockhart, a former White House press secretary; Joel Johnson, a former senior White House aide [and former ObstructoTom Daschole aide]; [Michael Whouley, "a top Gore[bot] strategist in 2000";] and Doug Sosnik, a former [Q]linton political director. Howard Wolfson, a former chief of staff to H[ippily] R[oast'Em] [al-Q]linton, joined the campaign on [September 5]. Both camps [Qerry's decimated staff and the Qlinton Qommandos] played down any suggestion of a [Q]linton takeover of a troubled campaign [(wink-wink)] and insisted there was no tension between the two groups [(nod-nod)]. Still, these days, Lockhart is stationed in an office on one side of the campaign war room [(i.e., the one with the Sooper Seekrit CBS Hotline™ shared by Mary Beth Cahill, Ted Tugboat Qennedy's former chief of staff and Qerry's campaign manager figurehead)]....

John Sasso, Michael Duqaqis' former campaign manager, is another who hasn't been flung off Qerry's Slow Boat yet.

The occupation of the Qerry Qampaign by the Qlintonistas is only Phase I of the DQDH movement. Rathergate, which occurred just days later, is apparently Phase II. Whoever made those poorly forged memos and foisted them on Eager-Eye Dan, knew or should've known that they could be readily outed as fakes and traced back to the al-Qerry campaign. In any case, the damage was done—but not to the target Qerry believed was intended when he first heard about those memos. The sureness of that backfire makes boomerangs look like they're all flying a straight course.

These events just solidified Qerry's desire to hang on to his senate seat. It became increasingly obvious that it's something he'd need after the election if he wants to still have any use for that 23-room townhouse of his Terrravesa's in Georgetown.

In addition to getting Qlinton's qampaign staff in and Qerry's out (soon to be followed by Hanoi John himself), Hilldabeast has over $4.1 million of cash on hand from her and Harold Ickes' "Friends of Hilldabeast" committee just itching to be spent on a four-week blitz of mindless attack ads and outrageous promise making. If the Federal Election Commission allows al-Qerry to transfer part or all of his war chest of public funds over to al-Qlinton, she'd have that to spend as well.

George Soros couldn't have devised a scenario more useful to him in which to sow unrest in our elections (which, coincidentally, is exactly what our enemies in this World War want to do). As Patron Skank of MooreOn.ogre, American Commies Together, Center for America's Pointyheads, and (according to HRQ) Take Backwards America, he has at his disposal all the major AnyoneButBush forces terrorist aiders and comforters to turn "the central focus of my life"—his own personal "matter of life and death"—into something more than UBL-approved radical "What Is Wrong With Us?" extremist rhetoric.

As far as any challenges to the "A Vote For Qerry Is A Vote For Qlinton" issue arising in states that won't have time before the election to switch the pair's names on absentee and regular ballots, undoubtedly the Demolitigatic Party will have a veritable Army of Trial Lawyers pre-positioned in those states, ready to cite in their courts the Lautenberg vs. New Jersey and Mondale vs. Minnesota precedents, inter alia.

In light of Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry's less than stellar performance during last night's presidential debate, preparing for this DQDH contingency is looking less unreasonable by the minute.

Still, when Qerry's artificial tan or wan ends up blistering him, it will spell the demise of his haughty political ambitions on or before Election Day, respectively, with the unrest it sows being restricted solely to the self- and not so self-recriminations of the Desperatic Party. Even given a hat of DQDH foil composed of natural tin, the result is the same. A natural win for President George W. Bush this election.

	8:14 AM

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