This ain't your father's Disney® movie.


nce upon a time, there lived a cell of four splodeydopes in the land of cheese and monkeys (i.e., Paris). They had just beheaded the governess hostage of their two smallest splodeydopes and badly needed a replacement. So they put an ad in the local paper (i.e., The Surrender Herald) demanding a new one. Well, no sooner had they placed that ad than the cell received a knock at their front door.

"Hi, my name is Qerry Floppins and I'm reporting for duty."

"You come in answer to our ad?" asked the cell leader.

"Why, of course. I served in Vietnam."

"Viet what?"

"Vietnam. The place once occupied by this country before it surrendered there, before my own country went in afterwards and started cutting off genitals and beheading babies, and before I denounced my country's soldiers as genital cutter offers, baby beheaders, and village burner downers and confessed to doing the same things."

"You beheaded people too?" asked the cell leader.

"Why, of course. I served in Vietnam, and I committed the same kinds of atrocities as thousands of other soldiers in Vietnam—where I served, by the way."

"That's good. We like beheaders."

"Then I can have the job?" asked the prim, haughty Brahmin.

"Well, I'm not sure. We still don't know much about you. Are you married?"

"Why, of course. I married a rich woman before I married a richer one."

"How do we know that she is rich? Can we see her income-tax returns to prove it?"

"That's none of your business," huffed the snotty, aloof descendant of Ivan the Terrible.

"O.K. Then tell me about those atrocities you committed in Vita Min or wherever. It must've taken you years to burn down all those villages that you say you did."

"Actually, four months. That's how long I served in Vietnam."

"Wow! You're a fast village burner downer. We like that," the bearded cell leader said with a grin.

"Thanks. Does that mean I get the job?"

"Not so fast. We still need to know more about your war-crimes record. Were you ever wounded? That is, by actual enemy soldiers, not those babies you were beheading."

"Why, of course. I served in Vietnam, and I was constantly receiving fire from the freedom fighters my country was illegitimately trying to oppress there."

"What kind of wounds did you receive? You seem to have all your arms and legs. Do you limp or have any scars?"

"I received three wounds. But my body has remarkable recuperative powers, so all of them healed almost immediately. I do carry shrapnel still in one of my legs."

"You do? Can you produce any recent X-rays showing that shrapnel in your leg?"

"That's none of your business. I say there's shrapnel still in my leg after thirty-five years, and that should be good enough. Unless you lost three or more limbs yourself in combat—or at least in a combat-area accident—you have no right to question me or anyone else who, like myself, served in Vietnam."

"Let's skip that for now, then. What about the records themselves. Are you willing to sign a Standard Form 180 authorizing their release so we can see all of them relating to your service in Vichy Ham?"

"Vietnam. Where I served, by the way. And, no, you can't see all those records. That's none of your business either."

"Well, I don't know if you're really qualified for this position," said the cell leader. "How well do you get along with little ones?"

"You mean children? When I wasn't beheading babies in Vietnam—where I served, by the way—I was handing them candy and a portion of my field rations. They seemed to like scraping out what was left at the bottom of those cans I gave them."

"Actually, by 'little ones' I meant short cell members."

"Why, of course. If I can get along with leaders in this and other countries, I certainly can get along with your little tykes here."

"Foreign leaders? Which ones are you talking about?"

"That's none of—"

"Of your business. Of course. Well, I'm still not entirely convinced that you're the type of hostage governess we're looking for for our little ones. But we'll take you on on contingency. If you get along well with our short cell members...Well, we'll see."

"Thanks. When do I start?"

"You can start right away, Qerry Floppins. The little ones are upstairs now preparing for a homicide bombing—er, I mean, a typically wholesome cell activity. And they could really use your help."

"I'll be happy to give it. I'm Qerry Floppins and I'm reporting for duty."

When Qerry Floppins knocked on the door upstairs, he heard a loud commotion behind it. Someone was obviously trying to move something heavy across the floor in a hurry. There was some clanking of metal, then dead silence. Qerry Floppins knocked again.

"I know you're in there, little ones," he said. "Open up or I'll tell your cell leader that you've been behaving badly."

The silence continued for a moment. Then someone behind the door finally mumbled, "It's unlocked."

Qerry Floppins opened the door and walked into the room.

"An infidel!" yelled a short splodeydope.

"Cut off his head, Hajib!" yelled another, handing Hajib a large, ugly knife.

Qerry Floppins froze in terror. He saw his life flash before his eyes: First, the time he spent in his Europeein boarding school, pestering all the nurses there for extra boxes of Band Aids®. Next, his brief stint as Yale's Liberal Party chairman, sqerring away all its members. Then at a Christmas party in Sa Dec, Viet Nam, getting so drunk that he thought he was in Cambodia. On to telling his first wife that if she didn't shut her trap he'd show her what real suffocation is. Later to when he patted his hairmate Qerrwards on the butt a little bit longer than was absolutely necessary. And finally, the moment he got on a stage in his home city and said:

"But I'm Qerry Floppins! And I'm reporting for duty!"

Both splodeydopes approached him menacingly.

"Stop!" yelled a voice behind Qerry Floppins. All three turned to face the cell leader standing in the doorway.

"You two," said the cell leader. "We will have no more beheadings in this house until I say so. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes," the splodeydopes answered in unison.

"Also, I want you to mind the new hosta—er, governess here, Qerry Floppins. He'll be helping you while I'm at the bank laundering—that is, overseeing ostensibly nondescript financial transactions for our cell. And I don't want either of you severing off any of his body parts like you did the last one."

"We won't," both splodeydopes said.

"Now Hajib, hand the knife back to Sawwaf, and both of you go sit down there on that crate which you've so poorly hidden beneath a bed sheet."

Hajib and Sawwaf did as they were told while the cell leader turned to Qerry Floppins.

"Please excuse their manners, Qerry Floppins. They aren't used to seeing infidels in the house that often."

"Uh. I, ah, quite understand," Qerry Floppins said.

"Perhaps that is something you can help them to work on."

"I'll try."

"Now I must be getting to the bank before its investment inspector returns from lunch. My lieutenant is still scouting—uh, touring the downtown financial district, but may return before I get back." He turned to Hajib and Sawwaf. "If he does, I want you two to tell him about our new governess."

"We will," said the splodeydopes.

"Well, then. I'll leave you three alone to get acquainted. Bonjour, mon infidèle."

The cell leader left the room and walked down the stairs. Qerry Floppins looked at the two splodeydopes still sitting on the crate. Both looked dejected.

"What seems to be the problem, dearies?" he asked.

"Well, we're supposed to pass ourselves off as young students attending a local university," Sawwaf said. "That way we can enter the cafeteria there and blow ourselves up, taking along as many innocent bystanders as we can with us. But we look way too old to get away with it!"

"Yeah," squealed Hajib. "What should we do, Qerry Floppins?"

"Look too old, eh? Well, I have just the thing for that. But it requires injecting small doses of botulism into each of your faces."

Hajib flinched. "Eew!" he said.

"Yuck, that sounds awful!" added Sawwaf.

"You both want to look younger, don't you?" asked Qerry Floppins.

"Why, yes," answered Sawwaf.

"We have to appear to be college-age freshmen so we won't get stopped going into that cafeteria," explained Hajib.

"You needn't worry," Qerry Floppins said. "These injections are relatively safe, if you know what you're doing. In fact, I've got a few extra doses right here." Qerry took a small pouch out of his pocket.

"You carry it around with you?" asked Sawwaf.

"All the time," Qerry Floppins said, removing from the pouch a small hypodermic needle and two vials of liquid.

"But why?" asked Hajib.

"That's none of your business," said Qerry Floppins, chastising the splodeydopes for their impertinent question. "Now do you want some or not?"

"I suppose," said Hajib. "We're still not sure it'll work." Sawwaf nodded his head in agreement.

"You'll find it easier if you administer only a few cc's of it at a time," Qerry Floppins said.

"A few cc's?" asked Sawwaf.

"Yes." Qerry Floppins answered, preparing his syringe. He was close to finishing when he broke out into song:

Just a few cc's of Botox®
Makes the wrinkles go down
The wrinkles go down
The wrinkles go down

Just a few cc's of Botox®
Makes the wrinkles go down
In the most smooth-outing way

"Here, stand very still and you won't feel a thing."

The two splodeydopes screamed in pain as Qerry Floppins jabbed a needle into each of their faces one at a time. He injected the vials of Botox® at various points along their foreheads and brows. Their faces started to contort in the most grotesque manner imaginable, before relaxing into an utterly smooth state.

"There. Go look at yourselves in the mirror now and tell me what you think."

Sawwaf was still clutching his face with both hands in obvious pain. Hajib was able to move, however, so he got up slowly and lurched toward the mirror. He got a peek of his forehead first and couldn't believe his eyes.

"The wrinkles. They're gone!" Hajib said. He moved in front of the mirror to marvel at his entirely smooth face. "Sawwaf, get up. You have to check this out!"

Sawwaf let out a moan but eventually complied. He too was pleased with the results.

"Qerry Floppins, you're really marvelous," said Sawwaf.

"Yeah," Hajib gushed. "You're much better than the last hostage governess we had."

"A less wrinkled face, too" Sawwaf quickly added. "In fact, we can show you the last one's face right now if you'd like to see how less smooth it is."

"Why, that would be delightful," Qerry Floppins said. "Where is he?"

"Well, most of him is lying underneath the main bride crossing the River Seine," Hajib explained. "But his head we have downstairs in the basement refrigerator."

"Let's go see, then," Qerry Floppins said. "Not even that can compare to the atrocities I personally committed myself while I served in Vietnam."

"Great!" exclaimed Sawwaf.

They all ran out of the room and down the stairs.

Qerry Floppins stayed on as the splodeydope cell's governess hostage for another two weeks. He was then exchanged for the cell's lieutenant, who had been caught by police scouting terrorist targets. Despite claiming his ordeal was doubly seared in him, Qerry Floppins adamantly refused to release any records proving that his service in that cell didn't include aiding two of its members who were apprehended trying to detonate themselves inside a local college cafeteria. Monkeys from the cheesy land, nevertheless, awarded Qerry Floppins a White Star with Surrender C as well as two Yellow Ribbons for his service to their country.

	5:27 PM   0

Nice of the Slimes to finally admit it.


auging public opinion has never been the purpose of election-related polling. As even reporters at Ye Olde Fork Tongues know, the only such poll that matters is the one taken at voting booths on Election Day.

Candidates use advertisements to sell their campaigns to prospective voters. Lefty print and broadcast media organizations use their polling results for the same thing, but only on behalf of liberal candidates. Why else would Slimes interviewer Deborah Solomon be so upset when a Qerry-supporting social scientist explains why there's going to be a George W. Bush landslide? (Thanks to Tim's Webpage for the heads up.)

When asked point blank whether he was a Republican, Yale economics professor Ray C. Fair told the Slimes, "I am a Kerry supporter." But... but... "I'm a little surprised, because your predictions implicitly lend support to [President] Bush," Ms. Solomon said. The scientist responded—as any good scientist would—that "I am not attempting to be an advocate for one party or another. I am attempting to be a social scientist trying to explain voting behavior." To which, in an obviously unguarded moment of honest confession, Ms. Solomon replied:

But in the process [of reporting poll data and analysis] you are shaping opinion. Predictions can be self-confirming, because wishy-washy voters might go with the candidate who is perceived to be more successful.

Bingo! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the true purpose of polling as understood and intended by the likes of this and other liberal reporters who bring you stories in your local papers and national news programs about the results of the latest survey that their organizations conducted.

Why would anyone be interested in how others are planning to vote unless he or she's among those "wishy-washy voters" who just wants to cast his or her ballot the same as most everyone else? By announcing its pre-declared winner, the liberal media feels powerful. They believe they're able to influence such voters with their own stories about their own commissioned polling, and thus control the outcome of an election.

With that kind of vested interest in getting their most favored candidates elected, is there any reason for us to trust that the liberal media's polling activities are ever going to be reasonably objective?

	12:33 PM   0

Intercepted chatter about al-Qaeda's newest network of terrorist cells:


SAMA BIN LADEN: Hello?

HASAN AL-UMAR (CELLS COORDINATOR): May I speak to Shaykh Bin-Laden?

UBL: Who is this? How did you get this number?

HAU: "The blood flows over the infidels' bodies..."

UBL: "...like moonshine across my herd of goats."

HAU: Shaykh! How's it been goin'? What's shakin'?

UBL: Is this Sulayman or Hasan? I'm always getting you two mixed up.

HAU: It's me. Hasan. I called you a couple of months ago about our plan to form a new operation inside the very belly of the Great Satan.

UBL: You'll have to refresh my memory. There's been so many inside-the-belly plans, I can't keep track of all of them. You aren't talking about the one where we kidnap that infidel Chris Matthews and replace him with a look-alike, are you?

HAU: No, no, Shaykh. We dropped that one after deciding that keeping the original was much better for us. At least I think we dropped it.

UBL: Ah, that's right. Then to which ITB plan are your referring?

HAU: The one regarding the useful-idiot infidel tools who were planning to protest the Republican National Convention.

UBL: Yes, I remember. You wanted to know whether showing up at their meetings with a Palestinian flag or an old Iraqi one would win them over more quickly.

HAU: That's right. But we decided to bring both and it worked like a charm.

UBL: The infidels accepted you into their meetings?

HAU: Absolutely. Not only that, they made Sulayman a so-called co-chairperson of one of their Israel is Evil committees! Although I believe his donating that $25,000 to them for protest activities had more to do with it.

UBL: Fantastic. How's it been going? Have you made progress with the other cells?

HAU: Better than we ever expected. They are all in place. We had only one unexpected expenditure when about twenty of our brothers had to buy geeky-looking ten-speeds and bike helmets for some of the protests.

UBL: You still have enough funds, then?

HAU: Oh, yes, Shaykh. This has otherwise been a very inexpensive operation. Seems the infidels from the major useful-idiot groups like that Soros operation and the Democratic National Committee are paying for practically everything, including our nice hotel rooms.

UBL: But they still accepted your donations, didn't they?

HAU: Without question. Literally. They didn't even blink an eye when one of our cells' leaders gave them six $10,000 checks from that fake Bank of United Bahrain, Ltd.—or Bank of UBL. They're such idiots!

UBL: But useful ones, Hasan. Always remember that.

HAU: Of course, Shaykh. I will.

UBL: Now tell me, have you been able to discern what is it they're protesting?

HAU: Not really, Shaykh. Our brothers have tried to find out if there was one thing we could work on to antagonize their all-consuming anger at the Infidel Invader George Bush. But we keep getting answers like he stole the election, or he's like Hitler, or he wants to shred the Bill of Rights, or he talks funny. I believe they hate him more than we do, Shaykh.

UBL: You're right, Hasan. They are idiots. At least he doesn't try to stop them from carrying out their plans and operations like he did us. Or invade our friends who were helping us and remove them from power. We're the ones who have something to complain about, not them.

HAU: Exactly, Shaykh. When one of our brothers brings up Iraq, for example, all he gets is that it's only about oil, that Bush-Hitler went it alone, or that he should've given the sanctions more of a chance. It's so very frustrating to try to pin them down on anything that might could make some sense.

UBL: Then don't try. Just have our brothers work on stirring up as much general hatred among the infidels whenever they can. It will further our aims all the same.

HAU: We are. Just yesterday our brother Mukhtar got one of the protesting groups to organize a small march on one of the false-religion churches. Ironically, we found out once we got there that several of the protesters were going to need to sign up at that same church for some emergency housing.

UBL: What was the march about?

HAU: The protesters couldn't make up their minds. A few wanted to stop tax-exempt privileges for churches. Others had signs saying Republicans Go Home. Still more wanted the words "under God" removed from the infidels' pledge.

UBL: So you had a march against multiple things?

HAU: Yes, Shaykh. All together, I haven't seen so many angry, hateful people in one place since the Al Qa'ida's final Kill-All-Americans Convention in Qandahar [in Afghanistan] before the invasion.

UBL: Oh, yes. That was a great meeting. The amount of hate and anger there even scared me.

HAU: I remember. I didn't think I'd ever see that much hatefulness again. That is, until our brothers and I infiltrated these infidels' protest groups. They would make easy targets if you would like to turn this into a major martyrdom operation, Shaykh. We are prepared for that too.

UBL: The other shaykhs and I haven't decided yet. We would have to use more gas than we have to make it effective in those crowded, open areas you have there. If only that infidel invader of theirs [President George W. Bush] hadn't interfered with our encouraging supplies from the Iraqi security groups [under Saddam Hussein's former regime], we probably would've had enough for even that. Nonetheless, "Allah will torture them, with your hands, he will torture them. He will deceive them and he will give you victory."

HAU: We will await your answer, whatever it might be. Our brothers and I came for jihad, and find ourselves ready to do what is best, and Allah will bless us.

UBL: You still have some time. We will let you know more about it in the coming days. We will never stop our raids so long as we have brothers like yourselves, trained to carry out huge events where you are needed.

HAU: Thanks be to Allah.

UBL: Allah bless you. By the way, don't call again at this number.

HAU: You believe it may be monitored?

UBL: It's not clear. One of our brothers arriving tomorrow will have a new one for you.

HAU: I'll tell Sulayman when he returns from the No We-Support-Our-Troops' Blood for Any Unilateral Republican Oil's Depressed Economy and Dollar Collapsing to Boost War Profiteering and Closing of Our Firehouses During a Health-Care Crisis protest.

UBL: The what?

HAU: From another of those We Hate a Bunch of Stuff marches, as our brothers like to call them.

UBL: Oh. Well, try not to mix too freely at night with these wicked people. You may wind up with a strange disease or, worse, a confused brain.

HAU: We won't, Shaykh. Besides, many of them smell worse than Sulayman.

UBL: That is bad.

HAU: Tell me about it. Anyway, we'll be going to more protests after we get that new number.

UBL: May Allah bless you all. Goodbye.

	8:51 AM   0

Mapping the al-Qerry campaign's expansion of a Qlintonesque strategy


linton was a staunch conservative. No, that's not a misprint. He ran as one, talked like one, even walked like one during his campaigns. For example, right before his first election he made a big show of personally signing the execution order for a convicted murderer. Such things gained him enough support from independents and moderate Dhimmicrats—while at the same time effectively quelling anti-Qlinton sentiments among dissatisfied Republicans who might have otherwise showed up at the polls to vote against him—that he could take for granted and even marginalize his own party's socialistic base and wind up with enough votes to get elected. Once in office, however, he transmogrified back to his real self: a social-engineering, no self-control, unabashedly radical liberal (as his party's base counted on him doing all along).

When you can conceivably pass yourself off to voters as not only a conservative but a Washington outsider, such a Tri-strangulation™ strategy works. When that's impossible, as is painfully the case with al-Qerry (the ultimate Washington, 20-year, do-nothing insider), you need at least one more side to play off against the others:

al-Qerry and President Bush are the same on X

Anything that our President receives high approval ratings on in the most recent polls, al-Qerry is all for. Last week it was foreign policy. According to Distorterats, both our full-time president and Massachusetts' no-show junior senator are the same when it comes to non-domestic issues (excluding, of course, such things as actively finding and fighting the terrorists wherever they are and toppling their state sponsors, not caving in to demands for delays or doing nothing by France and the UN Surrender Inc., and building an effective missile-defense shield in the face of China and North Korea's threats to "nuke Los Angeles" and intimidate our allies). Since this ludicrous sameness isn't panning out to be other than just one more blatant falsehood that none but the most gullible Americans are swallowing, next week it might be domestic policy: Qerry wants to make all of President Bush's tax cuts permanent, provide school vouchers, and so forth. When that doesn't pan out the way the Qerry camp Qommune planned either, it may be back to non-domestic issues again. Who knows?

al-Qerry and President Bush are different on Y

Anything that our President receives low approval ratings on in the most recent polls, al-Qerry is all against. This is more difficult to do since, compared to other administrations like Qarter and Qlinton's, most presidents would and probably did kill to have for their high ratings President Bush's low ones. Case in point: now that the president's approval ratings on Iraq have returned to their normal high (compared to almost every other war), al-Qerry is, for the time being, all in favor of us liberating and helping Iraqis. But during the temporary dip in those numbers, al-Qerry was against all that—even given the fact he voted for congressional authorization of our president's actions there. Certainly, President Bush is against government-bureaucratized health care, higher taxes, trillion-dollar increases in public spending, killing inconvenient babies, and non-gender based marriages, while Qhristmas-in-Qambodia John supports each one. But as an overwhelming majority of Americans are against those too, Qerry won't dare come out and say he's for any of them—even given the fact his votes in the Senate during the last twenty years (what little of them there are) all loudly proclaim that he is.

I supported Z before I opposed it.

Nuance alert! Qerry's first try at using this angle backfired on him miserably: "I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it." That would've been little comfort to our troops had his vote against their pay raises and body armor been on the winning side, instead of being joined in the Senate by just his hairmate and ten others. His second attempt failed miserably as well. While claiming the intelligence reports he saw on Iraq—the same ones our president saw—convinced him Iraq's dictator posed a threat that we needed to deal with immediately, he later flip flopped by saying it wasn't really convincing but was way overblown. Last week he flop flipped after seeing a poll that shows Americans are still strongly convinced Saddam Hussein was such a threat. Qerry said he would vote again today in favor of the action our president took against that depraved, self-absorbed craver of absolute power (Saddam, not Qerry) based on the same intelligence. The things he's supporting now that he'll be opposing next week, however, is anyone's guess—including al-Qerry's.

I opposed Z' before I supported it.

Double-secret nuance alert! This is the semi-apologetic Qerry, saying he's learned and grown a lot since he was that foolish 50-year-old kid in the Senate madly voting for every tax hike and non-defense spending increase he could Deaniacally scream a "Yea!" on. Now he says he wants to not raise taxes (except on anyone from small business owners on up who create all the non-government jobs in this country) and wants to cut the budget deficit in half (while spending additional trillions of dollars of our money for us) and wants to create ten million new jobs (all inside his expanded government bureaucracy, no doubt). He also says he's changed his mind about slashing our defense budget and eliminating crucial weapons systems. After nearly twenty straight years of continuously trying in our Senate to do exactly that, al-Qerry wants you to believe he's learned and grown a lot there too. So all of a sudden he's supporting things that he long opposed. Just don't be surprised when he starts opposing them again once he gets back to the Senate (figuratively speaking, given his disgraceful job-attendance record) following the election.

Qerry makes Qarter look like Reagan when it comes to firmly taking a strong stance on anything. Even Qerry's connections with MooreDem.rat and other pro-Qerry groups won't help him securely wedge his campaign boat anywhere on those shifty sands. While al-Qerry's alienating his socialistic, hate-America base by mumbling about his phony conservative positions, it's becoming clearer than a swiftboat-empty river in Cambodia that once he finishes doing so, he'll actually discover there wasn't anyone left really supporting him except the far left.

	1:31 PM   0

What started out as by the way has now become all there is.


hat's the statute of limitations on war crimes? Hanoi John confessed on NBC's Meet the Press in 1971:

I committed the same kinds of atrocities as thousands of others, in that I shot in free-fire zones, fired .50-caliber machine bullets, used harass-and-interdiction fire, joined in search-and-destroy missions and burned villages.

Add that he failed to report not only his own but those thousands of others' war crimes about which he claims at least some knowledge.

Confessed war criminal. Let's say George W. Bush had burned villages like Qerry did and publicly confessed that clear violation of the Geneva Convention, would the partisan media make an issue of these war crimes then? No, of course not. (And if you believe that, then I have this SUV I don't own but my family does which I'd like to sell you.)

His war-crime spree didn't stop there, however. He was an actual child killer. Speaking of one of his victims, Qerry said:

It is one of those terrible things, and I'll never forget, ever, the sight of that child.

Yet Qerry believed that child deserved killing:

It angered me. But, look, the Viet Cong used women and children....Who knows if [the child's mother and the rest of his family on that small boat which al-Qerry fired on] had—under the rice—a satchel [containing explosives], and if we had come along beside them they had thrown the satchel in the boat....So it was a terrible thing, but I've never thought we were somehow at fault or guilty. There wasn't anybody in that area that didn't know you don't move at night, that you don't go out in a sampan on the rivers, and there's a curfew.

An unrepentant confessed war criminal, too.

Had George W. Bush tried to offer a similar excuse for indiscriminately firing on a boatload of women and children, the partisan press would've given him the same free pass they're giving al-Qerry now, right? (Before you fall down laughing over that one, you might want to make sure there's a Secret Service agent in your way so you can blame him or her for it.)

How many swift boat sailors were wounded more than twice and excused from combat after serving just four months? Three thousand? Two hundred? Ten? The U.S. Navy knows of only one: al-Qerry.

[T]he National Archives provided the [Boston] Globe with a Navy "instruction" document that formed the basis for Kerry's [early-out] request. The instruction, titled 1300.39, says that a Naval officer who requires hospitalization on two separate occasions, or who receives three wounds "regardless of the nature of the wounds," can ask a superior officer to request a reassignment. The instruction makes clear the reassignment is not automatic. It says that the reassignment "will be determined after consideration of his physical classification for duty and on an individual basis." Because Kerry's wounds were not considered serious, his reassignment appears to have been made on an individual basis.

Moreover, the instruction makes clear that Kerry could have asked that any reassignment be waived.

The bottom line is that Kerry could have remained but he chose to seek an early transfer. He met with [coastal squadron commander Commodore Charles F.] Horne, who agreed to forward the request, which Horne said probably ensured final approval. The Navy could not say how many other officers or sailors got a similar early release from combat, but it was unusual for anyone to have three Purple Hearts.

This Boston Strangler's early-out ticket was first punched on Dec. 2, 1968, after he "encountered some Viet Cong, engaged in a firefight," got "slightly wounded on his arm," and received treatment consisting of nothing more than a single Band Aid—although his "crew members denied [at the time] that they had been under enemy fire" (that's why his medal wasn't approved until Feb. 28, 1969; i.e., after all the witnesses had been reassigned elsewhere and al-Qerry did an end run around his commanding officer's objections about his wound being unpurposefully self-inflicted). It was punched again on Feb. 20, 1969, after he "spotted three men on a riverbank who were wearing black pajamas and running and engaged them in a firefight," and got "a shrapnel wound in his left thigh," "treated on an offshore ship and returned to duty hours later" (the PJ-clad trio apparently had stashed inside their apparently Sandy Berger-sized briefs enough weapons to direct some "intense hostile A/W and rocket fire" at Qerry's two-boat patrol, which returned fire with "more than 14,000 rounds of .50-caliber ammunition" resulting in the destruction of "40 sampans, 10 hut-style hootches, three bunkers, and 5,000 pounds of rice" but absolutely "no enemy casualties"—probably because they'd bugged out right after the shooting started?). It was punched a third time on March 13, 1969, after "a mine detonated close aboard" his boat and he got "contusions on his right forearm" from being "slammed against a bulkhead" (earlier that day he tried to blow up some unguarded enemy rice with a grenade but was standing too close when it exploded, taking a shard of shrapnel and one or two grains of rice in his brains butt). That enemy mine caused his bruise. For owie #2, it's unclear from the Globe's account whether the PJ'd enemy was still around to engage in a "firefight" with anyone when al-Qerry's leg took a piece of shrapnel (Qerry says it's still in his leg after 35 years!). Insofar as firing on "movement from an unknown source" at night before getting his first owie, that at least more clearly supports a self-inflicted or friendly-fire wound scratch not deserving of a Purple Heart. Nonetheless, it would all be clearer if al-Qerry would reconsider his refusal to release all his relevant records, as his band of brothers have requested. All he has to do is simply sign a Standard Form 180 (an appropriate number for the Flipper, by the way)—the exact same form President Bush signed authorizing release of his records.

There were two other servicemen in al-Qerry's unit who got three or more purple hearts: "Lt.(jg) Jim Galvin and a boatswain's mate named Stevens." Unlike al-Qerry, both chose to stay with their brothers. Why didn't Hanoi John do the same? Despite what his commander wanted, he could've stayed "to serve his country."

At least none of Hanoi John's owies were debilitating enough to prevent him from returning days after a skirmish to film, on location with his Super 8 video camera, reenactment scenes for his autobiopic By the Way I Served in Vietnam (or as the Globe puts it, he was "so focused on his future ambitions that he would reenact the moment for film"). Had George W. Bush produced, directed, and filmed eight full hours' worth of such footage about his own military service, the partisan press would no doubt be saying "everyone did it" too (just as every political party nominates admitted war criminals for president).

Now al-Qerry wants to beach his campaign's boat and chase down and dispatch his fellow veterans who were there with him at the time—unlike Globe journalists propagandists or hand-picked biographers—and are pointing out discrepancies between HJFQ's still not adequately documented accounts and their own sworn eyewitness ones. Except this time Hanoi John is siccing his Band of Trial Lawyers on his enemies because, this time, they are not wounded and have a fully functional weapon actually loaded with the most potent of ammunition—the truth.

Four months in combat wasn't al-Qerry's intention:

Kerry initially hoped to continue his service at a relatively safe distance from most fighting, securing an assignment as "swift boat" skipper. While the 50-foot swift boats cruised the Vietnamese coast a little closer to the action than the Gridley had come, they were still considered relatively safe.

Leaving his men behind to that combat as soon as he could was.

Three purple hearts or no, the only ones on the swift boats who left the combat area were either killed or severely wounded, unable to continue fighting for their country. All except al-Qerry. He was able, but not willing. He bugged out.

Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry wanted to make his brief months as a lieutenant junior grade commanding his Patrol Craft Fast in Viet Nam the centerpiece of his qualifications to be our Nation's wartime commander-in-chief. Since over 200 fellow citizens who served there with him in the same Coastal Squadron—including a purple-hearted vet directly under his command, as well as many on the crafts patrolling alongside his own—have decided to corroborate very serious challenges to those qualifications, his miserable failure to forthrightly respond to these band of brothers when they "bring it on" and to release all pertinent documentation relating to his claims shows he's not interested in setting the record straight at all (if he ever was). Instead he's not only turning into a Nazi-like book burner but to a partisan and sympathetic media to help him bug out from going the distance in a full-fledged fight yet again.

	1:36 AM   0

Thinking a blog called Liberal Utopia was among those with a "need to know," the al-Qerry campaign sent its owner all 4 pages of Senator Qhristmas-in-Qambodia's secretive plan. (Big mistake.)


T O P - S E C R E T

clearance level: Need To Know

DISCLAIMER: John, John & Hanoi, LLC, has been duly authorized to release this document solely to certain radical liberal organizations and Web logs. Any further distribution or publication of this document in whole or in part without the express written consent of Berger Longjohns & Associates, Inc. will result in severe civil prosecution by a veritable army of big trial lawyers and Herman Munster hair products.



A Moore Sensitive War

My Top-Secret Plan for Iraq


by J.F.Q.
(codename: Lurch)

Have you never been mellow? Have you never tried to find a comfort from inside you? Of course you haven't. Unless you're one of those who like to rush to war at the drop of a hat (not like my lucky one). Even if this rush took over a year, that still doesn't mean it wasn't a rush. That's so unmellow it'd harsh even the most TeddyK-sized buzz.

I will never rush to war no matter what the provocation. Blow up the Capitol dome. I won't rush. Nuke San Francisco. I'll remain as mellow as I was before Mayor Newsome and his staff became radioactive heaps in front of City Hall. Sarin-gas every trader on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange. That definitely won't make me hurry.

No, rushing to war is bad. It must never be done. That's why I've developed this plan for what we should've done in Iraq. I also included somewhere, I think, something about what I think we should do there now, but I've forgotten where it is exactly. You'll just have to hunt for it. I promise it's there. Just don't go rushing out on me now. Besides, rushing's bad. Remember? If you don't already have that seared—seared—in you, then you probably have no business reading this plan in the first place.

Now where was I? Oh, yeah. Rushing. When it involves war, it's a really bad thing. You must never do it or else you'll wind up in a quagmire like we are in Iraq. Sure, it's been liberated from a foreign leader who'd probably be endorsing me right now had we not rushed to war so rushedly last year; and it's gotten its sovereignty back and is on its way to having a new, democratic constitution as well as unprecedented free elections. But that still doesn't mean we were right to rush any of that. We could've waited some. You know, like given that leader a few moore chances to come around and obey International Law, to stop filling up mass graves, trying to make nuclear bombs, and harboring and supporting terrorists, and to make sure the Oil Money-for-France Food-for-Oil money was being used to feed The Children rather than build more bunkers and palaces. Eventually, Saddam Hussein would've relented after being impressed with our utter refusal to ever rush to war. He would've realized we were going to keep at him, passing resolution after resolution in the UN for years, if not decades, until he forsook every one of his unacceptable actions. Then he could start doing good things instead, and everyone would be happy.

That's my plan. Oh, wait. You probably still want to see that part about what we should do in the future, post rush-to-war. Well, when I became a big trial lawyer after, by the way, I served in Vietnam, one of the first things I learned is that the best thing you can do when you find something's bad is to return things back as much as you can to their status quo ante. (Don't worry if you don't understand legal terms like that. I still haven't seared—seared—in me most of them myself. So you shouldn't feel bad.) So, I was thinking, we could convince the Iraqis to undepose their former president and let him be their dictator again for a while. Or a few decades. However long it takes for the UN resolutions to finally start working on him. In the meantime we could pull all our troops out of Iraq, ask France and Germany—and even North Korea and Iran—to join our coalition, and sit around in the sands of Saudi Arabia and Kuwait until Saddam Hussein (after being very grateful to us for setting him free and back in a position of absolute power) is thoroughly convinced that it's in his best interest to be less bad of a dictator.

FINI.
(that's French for "The End.")


[Pages 2-4 were filled with nothing but vidcaps from al-Qerry's hagiographic, self-filmed biopic Vietnam and Me: How Nixon Was in Office on 12/25/68 Before He Took Office on 1/20/69.—LR (Thanks to Sir George for many indispensable and inspiring annotations.)]

	4:34 AM   0

No, I'm not talking about the Klan. (Although I might as well be.)


iberals, that's who. Racist—wanting to identify everyone by their "race." How about "human"? Isn't that really the only thing that matters? Holding people down by dividing them according to skin color; who can get along when that irrelevant difference is given such importance?

Whatever happened to "color-blind society"? Do you hear Demokkkrats or their candidate for president ever talk about wanting one? Their silence means they don't want one. That would ruin their favorite form of wedgy which they've hazed hapless Americans with for over a generation—part of the extremist liberals' divide-and-conquer strategy toward achieving their final solution of a society totally segregated along racial skintonal lines, with each side shade at every other's throat and Shadycrats egging them all on from the sidelines and picking up and putting together whatever pieces are left until they get what they really want more than anything else: Power. Inducing and exploiting such artifically created animosities for their own narrow purposes is the real intent of the Discriminatorats' bigotry.

"But racism is rampant in America. We must stamp it out." No, it isn't, except among Dividerats and their leaders. Yes, we must stamp it out there, at the place it's most prevalent: The party that actually boasts about how it gets "90% of the black vote." What if it or the Republicans got "90% of the white vote"? It would be called a racist party then.

One skintone held down, three or so more to go for the Klueless Klutzes Klanorats. Fortunately for freedom-minded citizens of this county, they're a "national party no more."

	1:11 AM   0

...we'd all be speaking German now. (At least those of us who hadn't been shoved into ovens.)


ournalists these days, by and large, think it's their job to change the world for the better—not merely to report what's actually going on and then let consumers of their work make up their own minds. If you're a reporter or editor who believes this to be your calling, fine. Go ahead and pick sides and promote agendas because you won't be able to actively change the world otherwise. Keep in mind, however, that only the most dimwitted among your reader, viewer or listenership will have any trouble making up their minds about whose side and agenda you're propagandizing for as you write and arrange your stories.

Fortunately, anyone with a keyboard, camera or microphone can do the exact same thing just as well, oftentimes better. And they don't have to pretend that they're really doing something else. Sometimes all they need is a Web log like Mike's Cold Fury to help separate journalists from propagandists—the ones who know how to report facts from those who don't know the difference between their Clymers and their elbows. Although few have separated them as thoroughly as Mike has in his great post (via Speaking My Mind).

Unfortunately, if the Islamofascist Hitlers out there get much more aid and comfort from the elbowing kind, there soon won't be any left around to separate (much less anyone able to do the separating).

	11:02 PM   0

No experience. No message. No record showing any real achievement. Nothing but a bunch of words and promises.


ho is Hanoi John F'in' al-Qerry? He's someone who'd require extensive on-the-job training. He's never been the governor of a state. Never held any elective office higher than U.S. Senator (1984-present) and Mass. (not the Catholic kind) Lieutenant Governor (1982-84, with a campaign ad of cutting out paper dolls). Never owned or ran a business. Rarely shows up for work. Left his buddies behind in Viet Nam after serving just four months there after getting a third scratch (that's approx. one scratch per month). Then becoming a professional war protester before becoming a professional trial lawyer before becoming a professional politician. Led the charge against our troops by calling them war criminals in front of Congress and by trying to cut their ability to fight and stay safe once he became a member of it.

A nation at war with enemies who intentionally kill 3,000 civilians in a single coordinated attack is looking at someone who recommended that we unilaterally cut our defense budget by 20 percent at the height of the Cold War (including the Patriot anti-missile, MX missile, Pershing 2 missile, Trident submarine, Aegis cruiser, F-14 fighter, F-15 fighter, F-16 fighter, Apache helicopter, Tomahawk cruise missile, Bradley vehicle, M1 Abrams tank, B-1 bomber, and B-2 stealth bomber systems—each of which has proven indispensable to our troops in successfully fighting and deterring our enemies during this World War), who sought to unilaterally eliminate our Strategic Defense Initiative (which Mikhail Gorbachev himself declared was instrumental in bringing about the collapse of his Evil Empire), who didn't want to hear evidence about prisoners of war still in Viet Nam (not while he was trying to "normalize" our relations with his pals running that communist dictatorship), who voted to freeze defense spending for seven straight years (luckily for us, 71 percent of his colleagues disagreed), who said in 1993 our brave defenders in the military didn't deserve a pay raise (his votes do the real talking for him), who saw no need at all to increase intelligence funding right after the first World Trade Center bombing (even four years later he was asking, "why is it that our vast intelligence apparatus continues to grow?"—merely arresting the terrorists left scattered here was obviously more important to him than finding and killing the growing number of them regrouping overseas), who thinks this World War "is not primarily a military operation [but] an intelligence-gathering, law-enforcement, public-diplomacy effort" (the same ineffective way al-Qlinton treated this threat for eight whole years), who believes "the threat of terrorism has been exaggerated," who refused every time he had the chance to make all terrorist mass-murderers of Americans subject to the death penalty (three times he voted "no," which makes him the first anti-death penalty candidate since his former boss Miqhael S. Duqaqis), who abandoned our troops by irresponsibly opposing funds for our military operations and reconstruction efforts in Afghanistan and Iraq (as did his hairmate John Qerrwards, but not 90 percent of the rest of the Senate), who tried seven times to sink the Virginia class submarine (plus every new aircraft carrier since 1988—until, of course, he started running for president), and who believes we should have a "sensitive war" against bloodthirsty terrorists. Hopeful words and promises can't make up for his despairing deeds.

Qerry's bunny suit (click image to view original in new window)
Here comes Johnny Qerry Fruit Crawling around in his bunny suit Flippity, floppity Sqaring all the children away Wants to burden every tax payer With massive layer 'pon massive layer Of larger government, and "marriages" Bi and gay (apologies to Steve Nelson and Jack Rollins)

An economy that has not only been recovering from a recession we inherited from Qlinton and terrorist sneak attacks, but has been booming so much and so rapidly under this administration that the Federal Reserve is now trying to cool it down, would buckle and lose jobs if left to someone who wants to forcibly convert it completely to a "hydrogen based economy," who calls health care "a right" that must be subsidized by our tax dollars and entirely administered by bean-counting bureaucrats (he told Margaret Warner on The News Hour with Jim Lehrer that his health-care plan would cost us a whopping $900 Billion!), who promises both massive new social programs and a middle class tax cut (same as the cut al-Qlinton promised but then reneged on within a month of his taking office), who went along with al-Qlinton's Largest Tax Increase in Human History™ package (he still wished it had included a lot more "investment" spending), who voted in favor of every bleed-trade agreement that ever came down the pike while accusing corporations that take advantage of those same agreements of being Benedict Arnolds (like his own wife Teresa's Heinz Co., a so-called American corporation that bases 70 percent of its workforce overseas—or like those he hypocritically accepts campaign contributions from), who opposes actually fixing Medicare and Social Security so they have a real chance of truly surviving when my generation and those after it start receiving the promised benefits from those programs (although he did gleefully vote for increased taxes on Social Security benefits), who opposes opening a small sliver of barren wasteland at the top of the Trans Alaska Pipeline for extracting what actual geologists say would be 16 billion barrels of oil (i.e., the equivalent of 30 years of imports of Saudi Arabian oil, all from a place that stays 50 degrees below zero and in constant blizzards most of the year—hardly a "pristine" countryside), who supported raising gasoline taxes by 50 cents a gallon in 1994 (a year after voting to raise them by 4.3 cents), who first demands that our president "pressure OPEC to start providing more oil" then turns around and hysterically criticizes President Bush if he does, who invents a new and worsened "misery index" just so he can talk down the economy, who cries "we're going in circles" after one unadjusted, lackluster report (while dismissing the drop in unemployment—the lowest it's been in 31 months—as well as the fact that "payroll employment has risen 1.5 million since August 2003," which al-Qerry doesn't like since that means less government-dependent welfare recipients plantation slaves), who "has a 19-year record of opposing investors" (which now make up 64 percent of all voters), who wants you to believe that taxing our Nation's businesses at 33¼ percent instead of 35 percent will somehow offset his massive tax increases elsewhere on American corporations, and who wants every man, woman, and child in America to owe $2,206 more in taxes next year. No nonsensical nuance al-Qerry invokes can window-dress the enormous damage his envisioned nullification of President Bush's tax-cut based stimulus program would mindlessly inflict on our progress toward full economic recovery.

	No longer the party of hope, today's Democratic Party has become Mr. Kerry's many mansions of cynicism and skepticism. As our economy continues to get better and businesses add jobs, Mr. Kerry's going around America trying to convince people that the roof is about to cave in. He talks about "the misery index" and the Depression. What does he know about either?    And when it comes to taxes and services, you'd be pressed to find anyone more opposed to the interests of middle-class Americans than John Kerry. Except maybe John Edwards. Both voted against tax relief for married couples, tax relief for families with children, and tax relief for small businesses. Now Mr. Kerry wants to raise taxes on hundreds of thousands of small-business owners and millions of individuals. He claims to be for working people, but I don't understand how small businesses can create jobs if they've got to send more money to Washington instead of keeping it to hire workers.    Worst of all, Sens. Kerry and Edwards have not kept faith with the men and women who are fighting the war on terror—most of whom come from small towns and middle-class families all over America. While Mr. Bush has stood by our troops every step of the way, Messrs. Kerry and Edwards voted to send our troops to war and then voted against the money to give them supplies and equipment—not to mention better benefits for their families. And recently Mr. Kerry even said he's proud of that vote. Proud to abandon our troops when they're out in the field? I can hear Harry Truman cussing from his grave. —Sen. Zell Miller (D-GA)

A society whose mores are being threatened by radical liberal extremists trying to hijack them and suicidally slam their Anything Goes®, If It Feels Good, Do It™ laden airhead anti-values directly into our most vital and cherished institutions, would further collapse atop the cultural ground zeros they're dying to create if misled by someone who says he's been endorsed by foreign leaders but won't reveal their names (even Kim "Poofy Hair Like Qerry's" Jong Il and Sandinista Thug Tómas Borge make no secret of it—only about their covert excursions to New York City restaurants; while closer to home he's been officially endorsed by organizations like the Communist Party, Godless Americans PAC, and Democratic Socialists of America), who accepted a $10,000 campaign contribution from Chinese Red Army Lt. Col. Liu Chaoying in 1996 and then lobbied on her behalf to help get her Chinese-intelligence front company listed on the U.S. Stock Exchange (according to liberals at Newsweek), who took out a very questionable loan on his mansion to save his faltering campaign, who said legitimizing so-called gay marriages is "long overdue" (even while claiming he's "opposed" to it after saying that the states shouldn't be allowed to make their own decisions about it before saying that they should—which obviously doesn't bother pro-gay activists, as they're giving him the title "Most Pro-Gay Nominee in U.S. History"), who thought it was a good idea to give a speech last December to the Muslim Public Affairs Council (the anti-Semitic organization which defends murderous groups like Hamas and Hezbollah), who said nothing about NAACP top leaders' recent derogatory public comments—calling African-American conservatives "puppets" and "ventriloquist's dummies"—when he addressed their convention last month, who insults the intelligence of all Americans—especially minorities—when he says he wants to be the second black president, who issued a press release supporting remarks by "a former supporter of white supremacist David Duke," who comes across as being warm as the planet Pluto, who thinks increased spending for No Child Left Behind is "a cut" (Earth to Pluto: anything that gets a raise from $8.8 billion a year when al-Qlinton left office to $13.3 billion now under President Bush is, according to everyone still cherishing facts over spin, "fully funded"), who fell down on a ski trail—bunny slope?—after running into the Secret Service agent assigned to protect his life and then told people "that son-of-a-b**** knocked me down" (he didn't have the guts to say that to the agent's face), who has a habit of stumbling verbally too when he gets tired (according to his own staff—which wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that the office he's seeking "is a darned tiring job 365 days a year"), who likes it when his billionaire wife TeRaves-à la Moore's Hiney says that Vice President Cheney is "unpatriotic" (himself adding "We're going to keep pounding. These guys are the most crooked, you know, lying group I've ever seen. It's scary"—apparently this positive vulgar, profane, and arrogant pair wanted to be the first to shove civility aside; similar to the way she shoved aside having to file her 2003 tax returns until October 15), who sees nothing wrong with the fact his billionaire wife is registered to vote in a different state from his own (do these two royalists live together or not?—perhaps their prenuptial agreement doesn't allow Senator Gold Digger and her to share the same residence), who never votes against the interests of his fellow trial layers (e.g., the same people responsible for your unreasonably high medical bills), who tacitly condones his party's efforts to stifle political dissent in America (today Arizona, Oregon, and Illinois—tommorrow...), who thought it fitting to pick a running mate whose name matches that of the college al-Qerry attended (except he didn't trash his college back then as much as he did his fellow hairhead during the Dhimmicratic primaries), who really likes touching his mate a lot (the running one, not the helpone), who is so wealthy he makes the Bush family "seem a charity case by comparison" (just paying for all the energy he's using on his family's "five palatial, energy-consuming homes, its very own Gulfstream II jet, a 42-foot powerboat, eight vehicles (including two Jeeps and a Chevy Suburban) and a Harley" would no doubt consume the entire after-tax income of most Evil Rich™ families), who doesn't mind blowing $1,000 on flying in a fancy stylist just so she can do his hair (batteries and Botox shots not included), who garners the most overly positive coverage from the WhatLiberalMedia?® media ever recorded (despite his overly overt pessimism about practically everything), who chaired the Yale Liberal Party in college and promptly caused it to be put on probation in the Yale Political Union because of his miserable failure to get even a minimum number of members to join (perhaps his being "generally disliked" and "among the worst chairs in its history" had something to do with it), who considers holding public office to be only a part-time job (but still a full-paying one, you betcha by golly!), who recently made a rare visit to our Senate to vote against outlawing fetal homicide (unborn babies have no voice, at least not with him—even less so when he's speaking to his pals at NARAL), who also voted against every parent's right to be notified before his or her teenage daughter can undergo an abortion operation (perhaps he doesn't think it's a medical procedure), who felt giving drug and alcohol abusers tons of government assistance cash handouts for being "disabled" is a good idea, who doesn't wear his religion on his sleeve (or anywhere else that matters, for that matter), who met with fellow extremists Scott Camil, Al "What Service Record?" Hubbard, and others in November 1971 to seriously considered whether they should adopt Camil's plan to assasinate postnatally abort members of Congress (Qerry lied when he said he never attended that meeting), who despised his (or someone else's) service medals (or ribbons) so much that he tossed them over a fence at the U.S. Capitol before not tossing them over it and hanging them in his office (he also said that medals and ribbons are different before saying that they're interchangeable—and if Pinocchio's face had lengthened instead of his nose it'd be as long as this Pterodactyl's), who contemptuously accuses Great Britain and Italy of being "coerced and the bribed" (he's just mad that their leaders refused to endorse him), who himself lied to and misled every one of us about Iraq (he believed the exact same intelligence reports both he and our president saw before not believing it), who is a spineless wimp when it comes to making commitments because he has "taken virtually every side of every issue" (far worse than how liberals branded President Bush's father a "wimp" for much less after he successfully ran against Qerry's former boss Miqhael Duqaqis in 1988), who can't even be counted on to show up for work when Spendocrats need him most (the Senate's attempt to extend unemployment benefits last May failed by one vote—namely, al-Qerry's—because he had more important things to do), who arrogantly boasts that the "heart and soul of America" are actually Hollyweirdoes attending his exclusive, ritzy fundraisers (like the one last month during which a number of the more soulless weirdoes—all praised by al-Qerry—viciously flogged our county's president with their extremely heartless, vulgar, hate-dripping speeches), and who "has no person of color in his inner circle, including the campaign manager, campaign chairperson, media adviser, policy director, foreign policy adviser, general election manager, convention planner, national finance chairman and head of the vice presidential search team" (tokenizing his campaign's "senior advisers" with no-real-input "all-stars" and "community outreach senior leadership" cheerleaders—those sneer quotes are the Compost's own deputy editor's—after he's been busted for violation of Dinkorats' Looklikeamerica Rule™, won't change the fact that he wants America to look more like France). Being "an international grandmaster at the art of changing the subject"—the extremist liberal's preferred tactic when confronted with facts unpleasant to him (i.e., any facts)—won't help Hanoi John deflect the backlash retribution that's on its way from an offended American electorate enraged by his and his party's actions.

A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.
James 1.8

A people betrayed by eight straight years of Head In The Sand (Plus One In My Pants) al-Qlinton's miserable failure to take care our Nation's security was sufficient in the face of clearly emerging threats from stepped up terrorist attacks against us, had dodged a bullet afterwards by avoiding the catastrophic mistake of electing his raving lunatic VP al-Goron. Now this election they see someone who tells people only what they want to hear rather than what he believes in, who not only fluently speaks the language of Jacques ChIraq and his cheese-eating surrender monkey "Food For Oil" scamming appeaser friends but foolishly seeks their respect, who tried to weasel his way out of serving in Viet Nam, who values nebulous, unwritten "international law" more highly than our written constitution (he told The Harvard Crimson while running for Congress in 1970, "I'm an internationalist. I'd like to see our troops dispersed through the world only at the directive of the United Nations...[and I want] to almost eliminate CIA activity...[and have government deal with unemployment problems] even if it means selective economic controls"; and his voting record in our Senate shows he has consistently maintained these liberal socialist America-hating positions right up until he started running for president—but that's just a coincidence), who served in Hanoi Jane Fonda's activist movement far longer than he served in South Viet Nam's defense struggle (she was a major patron and honorary national coordinator of Vietnam Veterans Against the War while he was its chief spokesman hate-America barking moonbat), who was the first to "divide America over who served and how" by attacking our president—a veteran discharged honorably (understandable that a desperately dissing dISocrat doesn't understand the meaning of that word)—with the unfounded slander that he "can't account for his own service," who accuses our president of using the worst terrorist attack in human history as a "political prop" (moonbats, by all means go ahead and call us a bunch of terrorists for dropping H-bombs on imperialist, warmongering, genocidal Japan during WWII—that ought to get you in real good with Americans who suffered through not only that global war for Freedom but this one too), who thinks "bring it on" is too insensitive a phrase when challenging terrorists but not at all such when mocking our country's president, who thought Saddam "Master of Miscalculation" Hussein was a threat to our country before thinking he wasn't (as did his flipflopping herrymate), who refused to read the October 2002 National Intelligence Estimate on Iraq before voting for Iraq's liberation before voting against our troops' funding needs there, who ignored warnings he received months before the terrorists attacks informing him of lax security at Boston's Logan International Airport (he says he forwarded a tape—passed the buck, if you will—to the transportation department, although there's no evidence he ever checked back to see if anything was actually being done about it; similar to the way he plans to forward our security concerns to the United Nations, as if that would work any better), who was the last to know what was going on in his campaign after its foreign-policy advisor breached our national security by stealing from our National Archives numerous ultra-top secret documents about airport and seaport security—stuffing them down his pants and into his socks and later destroying several of them (Sandy Berger Burglar just was keeping the files on Boston's Logan International Airport and other hubs "warm" and forgot they were there), who paid his other discredited foreign-policy senior advisor Joe "Yellowcake" Wilson IV the entire cost of operating the president-bashing Web site he used to help him cover up the fact that French and British intelligence agencies—not just our CIA—all concluded that Saddam Hussein clearly was in the process of acquiring weaponizable uranium from Niger, who agrees with his campaign's national-security advisor Bob "Situation of Chaos" Graham's astute assessment that fighting terrorists makes them mad (apparently implying that if we don't bother them, they won't bother us, right?), who had "given aid and comfort to the enemy" (as retired General George S. Patton III himself angrily witnessed along with thousands of others), who stupidly supplied the communist enemy forces in Viet Nam with "the most effective propaganda" that they used against then-POW John McCain and others still being tortured and held captive by them there (John McCain's Virginia campaign chairman and fellow POW Paul Galanti recalls "They kept talking about Vietnam Veterans Against the War, they had seen the right way and blah, blah, blah, and they were on our side, they had crossed over to the peoples' side and all that stuff"—and no doubt if Ho Chi Minh were alive today he'd be another foreign leader endorsing al-Qerry for his "intensifying and prolonging their misery"), who would rather see private, individual Americans unarmed than help fully safeguard their constitutional right to effectively defend themselves against violent criminals and terrorists (his posing with a borrowed $15,000 shotgun can't camouflage the fact that he has a solidly anti-Second Amendment voting record), who joined his hairmate Johnny last March in killing a bill that would've protected every lawful American manufacturer of firearms against frivolous lawsuits filed by fellow Big Trial Lawyers wanting not only to somehow cash in on criminals illegally misusing the products those manufacturers make but to put those manufacturers out of business through a constant barrage of criminals-aren't-to-blame court cases (John & John's votes to attach both an extension and an expansion of al-Qlinton's uncommonly senseless Assault Cosmetically-Scary Weapons Ban™ to that bill helped create a poison pill that obstructed its passage by the Senate), who now protests the Patriot Act (although having voted for it before wanting to vote against it, he and others can't cite one "single case of a documented abuse of anyone's rights because of the Patriot Act"—much less that anyone is "rewriting the Bill of Rights" as al-Qerry falsely claims or that "Law enforcement officers could be entering your house while you are gone - rifling through your possessions - and leaving without ever letting you know they had been there," which he did another big flip-flop on after seeing some poll), who also now opposes preemptive military action against defiant and hostile enemies of international peace and security (flip-flopping from his 1989 stance of "[why can't we take] some kind of preemptive action that could eliminate the capacity of Libya to further develop [chemical arms], similar to what happened with Iraq and the nuclear power plant with Israel?"), who has no better plan for helping Iraqis rebuild their country because he hasn't even bothered visiting Iraq to witness firsthand both their struggles and their successes after ousting a genocidal tyrant (he probably wanted to go before the ouster but wasn't able to make a reservation with Saddam Hussein in time), who offers nothing useful to address the serious threat posed by Iran and North Korea's nuclear weapons programs other than talk, the U.N.—i.e., more talk, and a piece of string (not necessarily in that order), who belittled our country's courageous contract workers over in Iraq—all of whom are risking and even sacrificing their lives to help Iraqis rebuild their own country—when he ran an ad on his and other Web sites claiming that the sole reason those workers are there is "to invade a nation" ("For the first time in history" a candidate for president devalues the sacrifices of fellow citizens volunteering to work in the most dangerous of places for the good of our own and other countries, including heroes like Thomas Hamill), who is overwhelmingly perceived as the murdering terrorists' top choice for president (after losing 3,000 fellow citizens in under two hours, we know a lot more about terrorists than we could ever wish to), who only got a "negative bounce" after receiving his party's presidential nomination at its nationally televised convention (according to USA TODAY/CNN/Gallup Poll—which is unsually low considering that, in 1988, Qerry's former boss Miqhael Duqaqis was ahead by 17 points right after he was nominated, getting roughly half the bounce al-Qlinton got four years later), who accepted that nomination inside the very aptly named "Fleet Fleeting Center," and who, in the words of each and every one of his commanding officers in Viet Nam, is "unfit to be commander-in-chief." Another arrogant, aloof, phony-baloney, boring, and unlikeable Deadheadocrat running for office from his record.

In sum, this someone is clearly a radical liberal extremist whom both the National Journal and Americans for Democratic Action correctly ranked as even more liberal than Ted "Driving Drowning Miss Mary Jo" al-Qennedy. He wants to raise taxes, weaken the Patriot Act, and wait for UN approval before defending our country. Thankfully, our nation remains unwilling to commit Hairy Qerry, which is the only thing he's offering.

Extremist to the end, the Desperatic Party has picked for its final viable presidential candidate someone who always will be remembered as the ultimate loser.


Further reading: Who Is John Kerry?, Myths About John Forbes Kerry, John Kerry's shifting stands, Botox Pitbull, Dems Extreme Makeover, Dhimmicrat leaders before 2004 all say "Saddam was a real threat", The Benchwarmer from Massachusetts, John Kerry: FBI Files, Military Service Records, & CIA Files, Track 'em down: talking points about John Kerry, John Kerry's Trail of Treachery, John Kerry History Page.

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